In our family, we believe that life is a game of inches.

Every small step forward counts.

My parents came to America from Vietnam in 1975 with nothing but empty pockets and big dreams. They worked extra shifts and late nights, moving our family forward one small step at a time. I spent whatever time I could with my mom when she was home in the kitchen or out grocery shopping. We still bond this way 40 years later and we wrote “The Nourishing Asian Kitchen” to capture the memories of creating all of our nourishing recipes together. We are recording Mom’s story on our Call To Farms Podcast “Interviewing Our Ancestry” series if you want to hear her first-hand experience.

I followed my parents’ example, working different jobs while going to school. That’s how I got into mortgage lending 20 years ago when I was in school where my colleagues were either Starbucks Baristas or Real Estate Agents. I earned my way going to grad school full-time and working two part-time jobs. My husband, Timothy, graduated from West Point and served in the Army as a combat engineer and deployed overseas for 18-months and protected American Soldiers’ lives by improving outpost security in addition to clearing roadside bombs. When he came back for R&R, we eloped (so taboo in our culture) during one of the toughest and longest deployments during the OIF V surge in 2007-2008. We both learned that success doesn’t come easy – you have to want and earn it. We are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary and yes, you do have to want and earn it!

But our growth didn’t come without struggle. Part of our journey has been healing from our past, from the trauma of our history of neglect and abandonment, and from the deeply ingrained cultural expectations that once told us to stay quiet, to endure, to always give more than we receive. For so long, we were taught that sacrifice was a virtue—sometimes even at the expense of our own well-being. I really struggled with this when I was climbing the corporate ladder in Silicon Valley and realized that I was sometimes one of the only women and minority at that in a room full of other executives. But through my experiences, I have learned a different truth: strength is not just in endurance, but in knowing when to speak up and stand up for yourself.

Healing has given us clarity. We no longer believe that we have to give endlessly to prove our worth or that we care. We no longer tolerate dishonesty, manipulation, or those who take without giving. And we certainly will not allow our children to grow up thinking that being “good” means accepting mistreatment. We now understand that boundaries are an act of self-respect, not selfishness.

Life is a game of inches—not just in how we move forward, but in how we raise the bar for ourselves and those around us. Every single day, we push to be better than we were the day before. We don’t accept mediocrity, we don’t lower our standards, and we don’t give an inch when it comes to our values. That is how we grow, how we achieve, and how we ensure that the next generation does even better than we did.

And that is exactly why we teach our children to never tolerate dishonesty. We teach them to recognize those who do not hold up their end of the deal, who lie, cheat, and take more than they give. Because the truth is, people reveal who they are through their actions, and integrity is non-negotiable.

Children have an incredible instinct for this—almost like how animals sense when someone is not good. They see things we, as adults, sometimes try to rationalize or ignore. When a child tells you something feels off about a person, listen. They haven’t yet learned to filter their instincts through the lens of politeness or obligation. Their honesty is raw, and more often than not, they are right. Yes, we listen to our children, and we have recently had to make hard decisions because their opinion matters in our family business.

We also teach our children the importance of having skin in the game. We learned that from our homesteading mentors here who confided in us with the frustration they have with help and how easily people give up because of the lack of work ethic. In life, there are those who work hard, who invest themselves fully, and who take responsibility for their actions—and then there are those who expect something for nothing. We will never align ourselves with people who refuse to put in the effort, who want to reap without sowing, or who believe they are entitled to what others have built.

In our family, we believe in earning what you get. It’s simple – if you want something, you need to work for it. The children milk their cows (thank you, Mona, Ms. Brown, Chloe, and Phoebe!) and earn their way to make their own investments like a used 23 year-old pottery wheel and kiln for their pottery business. We stay away from people who want shortcuts or think they deserve what others have worked hard for. We don’t ask for handouts – instead, we put in the effort.

And that is exactly why we teach our children to never tolerate dishonesty. We teach them to recognize those who do not hold up their end of the deal, who lie, cheat, and take more than they give. Because the truth is, people reveal who they are through their actions, and when we see people who don’t hold up their end of the deal, we walk away—because we know that surrounding ourselves with people of integrity is non-negotiable. Part of our schooling involves teaching game theory through poker. You gotta know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em.

We’ve learned that while we strive to move forward inch by inch, it’s equally important to stand firm on our values and set clear boundaries. We will not be taken advantage of, and we will not give an inch to those who exploit generosity. And just as we teach our children to trust their instincts, we remind ourselves to do the same.

To everyone reading this – it’s necessary to have strong boundaries. Being helpful doesn’t mean letting people take advantage of you. Every time we say no to something that feels wrong, we’re showing our kids what self-respect looks like.

Thanks for being part of our journey. We’re building something real here – step by step, inch by inch, always striving to do what’s right.